"Machete"

A couple of years ago Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino came out with a double feature called "Grindhouse" featuring one movie directed by each of them. In between the two films, or before them (I didn't see them in theaters), they put together these pretend previews. One of them being "Machete." All about an ex-federale who comes to America to start over after the biggest drug lord in Mexico kills his family. 

Now I don't know how it happened but Robert Rodriguez decided that it would be a good idea to make this pretend preview into a full on amazing movie! And boy oh boy am I glad that he did. This movie is maybe one of the most ridiculous, out of this world impossible movies that I have ever seen. It is about Machete a man who is just trying to live his life after coming over from Mexico. His life was ruined when the biggest drug lord in Mexico, played by Steven Seagal (who incidentially can only say one word in spanish and that not very well but it's totally worth it), killed his wife right in front of him. Machete tries to live a normal life but gets pulled into a plot to assassinate a senator who is forcefully trying to stop border crossing from Mexico into Texas. When things go wrong and his employers double cross him Machete follows a path of revenge. Killing those that have wronged him and his people. And picking up gorgeous women along the way. 

From a gun toteing priest to Lindsey Lohan dressed as a nun this movie is outright ridiculous. There is just so much silliness in it that it kind of makes it brilliant. The cast consits of Robert DeNiro, the aforementioned Steven Seagal, Lindsey Lohan (the one low point of the film), Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, and in the title role Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo is an excellent Machete, a fierce very intelligent warrior, but he's not the most attractive man in the world. And yet in this film Machete is quite the laddies man. Irresisitable to women from all walks of life, including a very disturbing scene in which Machete has the beginnings of a threesome with the Lindsey Lohan character and her mother in a pool (now it's obviously a body double but still :/ yuuuck). Machete is shot but is quickly healed by sleeping in a bed with an egg under it. These are just some of the ridiculous things that happen through out the film. But it's all amazing. 

I don't know how to describe this film without gushing. All I can think is "OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS CRAZY AND GOOD!!!! I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN!!!" However I do have to warn those out there that this movie isn't good in the sense that this is the movie to pick when you want a truly good movie. A movie like an excellent foreign film, or a classic movie, or even a great movie that you just loved from today's time. It is a movie that is good because it is bad. It is just ridiculous and I really mean that. But it is that very ridiculousness that makes this movie a movie that I am truly in love with. 

So if you are looking for an action film that just makes you go "WHOA what did I just watch?" In kind of a happy-go-lucky-this-movie-is-so-bad-it's-great kind of way, this is the movie for you! I highly recommend it!